Acceptance

Dec. 31st, 2012 07:21 am
houseofchimeras: (Default)
Description: While trying to piece together what their kintype is, something unexpected comes to light
Date First Written : November 2012


Hello all! I am Bigfeet.

I am a… actually I’m not exactly sure what I am actually right now still. I know roughly my shape and such but I’ve been having a hard time figuring out exactly what I am by name. I’m currently guessing maybe kangaroo, or maybe wallaby sense I feel that I am ‘big’ in this human body compared to how I… was/should be? Sorry, I’ve known about being what I am sense I was like 9 or 10 but only discovered the otherkin community a month or so ago so I’m still trying to orient myself to the fact I’m not alone. I thought that sense I feel like my theriotype is an animal of some kind I would first start out on a therianthropy specific forum so that is why I am here. I thought maybe I might get some ideas on how to better what my species is exactly.

So yeah, I’m fairly sure it kind of has something of a wallaby-like; however I’m fairly sure my species isn’t that ’big’ in the back legs. I have a shorter face too I think. Plus the tail is completely different, but I’ll get to that in detail in a minute. I’m not sure though sense its kind of hard to explain some of the details into words.

So my shifting experiences are a part of my life. I tend to have a lot of phantom and dream shifts. I tend to have at least one dream shift every other night or so in some way, especially sense I’ve started getting better at remembering my dreams when I wake up. So I am guessing I’ve always had a lot of dream shifts but just never remembered them until recently or maybe finding the otherkin community has really started making them go. In my dreams I am usually wandering around in a sparse forest or grassy plain. I’m moving on all four legs usually but I can stand-up and look around or even move forward on two legs too. For phantom shifts I have mostly my phantom tail. I have a really long and almost whip-like phantom tail, which makes me second-guess something like being a wallaby sense their tails are so much more stiff then my phantom tail as it just so easily bends and curves all over the place. (So that is why I am wondering if its another animal with a similar body shape.) My tail being super flexible actually makes it a bit easier on me though because it is so long that my phantom tail actually is something like four or so feet long. Normally it naturally sits up off the ground though in some curved placement or another. Another thing about my phantom tail is their something about the tip, but I’m not sure how to put into words what that is all about. I also have a few other phantom shifts like - phantom little ears on my head, phantom paws, and phantom - well - big feet. Those don’t happen a whole lot though, and its mostly just my long tail. Outside of that, I also get the usual mental shift from time to time - wanting to make sounds instead of words to express my feelings and such. 

But anyway, I am 21 and I’m currently going to college (my second semester) getting a degree in Business and I work part-time in retail. I’d prefer not to give where I live for right now if that’s alright. This is the first online account I’ve ever made minus my Facebook account and so I’m a bit paranoid there.

My hobbies and interests are many. As I mentioned, I tend to remember my dreams generally well. Because of that and because I have so many shifts in my dreams I’ve taken up a big interest in dream recall techniques plus even ways to lucid dream. I’m hoping that maybe I’ll come up with something that might help lead me to exactly what I am. I also love wildlife and animals -surprise, surprise around here I’m sure…-  and I do love camping and exploring outdoors. I don’t tend to watch a lot of television either and tend to spend a lot of time writing little things like stories or poems but I’m not the greatest there.  

I look forward to meeting everyone and I am hoping finding out my theriotype sooner or later!

Sarah read over her introduction post that she had made earlier that morning again as she checked the thread for new replies. Her thread on the therianthropy forum she had made after joining had quickly gained two replies in the first hour of posting it and how checking it again she had three more to read. She had posted the introduction that morning while still at the house and had checked it before she had left for her classes at the university. Now she was checking it a second time after her first class of the morning, Macroeconomics outside in the hall waiting on her next class, National Government in an hour.

The comments back to her thus far were nice and welcoming. The first reply was merely a “Welcome to the forum.” The second reply by a user by the username of Spot The Wolf who had the image of a large spotted domestic dog for an avatar simply said back:

Hi and welcome to the forum from one of the resident domestic dog therians, of which I am a Dalmatian mix or at least that is the best I have come up with so far. 

If you do end up being a wallaby therian, that would be cool. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a marsupial therian ever before. Even if you are not one, still you seem pretty interesting. I look forward to seeing you around if you decide to stick around and chat.

Now, the three newest ones were there for her to read. The next two were also simply really warm welcoming comments with one person giving her best wishes to finding out what species she was as well as encouraging her to check out several threads which they felt might be helpful. The last and latest post was longer and the user had a few questions to it. It was from a user by the username of Clop who had the image of a horse for their avatar.

Hello and welcome to the forums. That was a really nice introduction. You look like you are really working hard to figure out yourself think critically about your experiences.

Could you tell me a bit more about your dreams? Like what perceptive you are when you have your dreams? Is there anything at all that you can see of yourself in your dreams? What do you do exactly? Are you hunting or are you grazing? Maybe if you achieve lucidity during one of your dream shifts you could rush over to a body of water and look at yourself.

Best of luck, Bigfeet (love the username by the way)! I look forward to seeing your posts around.  

Sarah read through the post and put her rough thoughts together before opening up a word document to start writing out her response to be cut and pasted once she was done. Sarah started writing down her thought and experiences to reply back to them. 

Thank-you everyone for such welcoming responses! I am sure glad to be here and also hope I find my theriotype sooner or later as well.

To your questions, Clop -

In my dreams shifts I am in first-person perspective only, which is actually a bit annoying sense I can’t see what I look like in my dreams at all which would be a lot of help right now for sure. In a lot of my dreams I am wandering around, walking on all fours and then standing upright from time to time. While standing up I can either be on my toes with my ’heel’ off the round or with all that flat. In my dreams I sometimes also walk on my back legs as well with my heel to the ground, but I am not as fast. Walking either way that way seems really easy to me during my dreams. When upright I can use my paws kind of like hands so I sometimes actually see my paws from time to time at the very least. In some of my dreams I will come to a patch of bushes or small trees with colorful berries or small fruits on them and I’ll use my paws to pick and hold the berries or fruit to eat them. The way I roughly hold things kind of reminds me of an raccoon or otter kind of actually. Plus my paws are kind of shaped a long those lines too. On my paws my fur is black but the rest of my front legs are a different color but I am not exactly sure about them as much. Some kind of reddish brown or almost bronze-like orange color. I am not exactly sure, but its something along those lines.

I only seem to eat fruits, nuts, berries, and such. I’ve never had a dream of hunting anything at all. In one dream, I had a vague dream of being hunted (I think) by something flying up above me because I was rushing through some tall grass watching the sky really anxiously and my heart was pounding like crazy. In that dream it was starting to rain and I remember hearing thunder far off which really stood out in the dream for some reason.

It would be nice to one day start achieving lucidity. On a few occasions I’ve realized I was dreaming but each time so far every time I have only woken-up because of it.

With that she copy & pasted her response into the forum’s reply box and hit post. After tat, Sarah looked around the forum some more and replied to a few small threads on her experiences. One was over if one’s therianthropy effected one’s diet, another talked about experiences with phantom limbs, and another asked if anyone people ever experienced ‘theriandar’ or being able to sense if someone was therian or not.

After that, Sarah headed off the therianthrope forum and decided to see if she could find anything that seemed to fit her species by throwing some keywords into the search of an art hosting website again. She thought that maybe someone had taken a picture of an animal or two or drawn one that might fit what animals she was looking for. She started off by typing out different species of wallaby and searching for them. She looked at the pictures to see any similarity between her and them but always hit a miss. So she put in other words to search through to also more misses then even a slight hit. Finally in a lack-luster waning attempt she typed in several words “ whip-like tail wallaby animal.” The search came up with a few random pictures. She glanced down the page and was about to go back to and exit out when one caught her eye. It was the 16th one down. Sarah clicked on it bring it up.

Sarah looked at the drawing on the screen blankly, and saw something similar in shape. It was only a color drawing of creature with nothing else to the picture and drawn in a slightly realistic and slightly cartoon-like style. There was indeed something almost wallaby-like about it plus a bit of mouse-like and a bit of other animals to it as well. It certainly looked similar to how she felt in her dreams in a lot of ways - the rounded body with the large back legs and somewhat shorter front legs with the rounded face and short muzzle yet with a whip-like tail. It certainly wasn’t a real life animal at all. Thoughts started to roll though Sarah’s mind. It wasn’t an Earth animal then, that she was then? Was this based off a real-life animal and just exaggerated a bit? Maybe she was that, or maybe this is a creature from some mythology making her a non-therian kind of otherkin…? A number of wild questions ran back and forth echoing about her mind as her eyes studied the image for things that made it seem right to her.

She looked down and read the drawings description down bellow the image. The drawing was merely titled “Raichu,” saying:

I am actually really surprised how this turned out. Weird animal anatomy is not usually my thing, but raichu has always had a special favorite of mine. I tried for a slightly more realistic style and it ended taking things from a lot of different animals - wallaby, hare, mouse, kangaroo mouse, and even some otter I think got thrown in there in the end. I do like how raichu’s whip-like tail turned out though even though the tip was hard to figure out for the longest time.

Sarah read through the description again. He eyes scanned over the word “raichu” again for third. Sarah bookmarked the webpage and opened up another tab to go the Google homepage to give it a search. What came up read “Pokémon” and below that several cartoon images of the same critter. The word “Pokémon” brought up a sense of recognition; not from her theriotype but from an old memory. She remembered years ago seeing that show on TV a time or two while her sister had control of the TV. She didn’t remember ever seeing that critter on there though, course that wasn’t saying much sense she never gave it that much attention even though her sister had. The style of cartoon image certainly brought back rough memories of how the art style had been in her sketchy memories.

A jumble of thoughts clashed around in her mind. She ran from idea to idea in her mind trying to work things out. She wondered if she was maybe a therian to the animal that raichu was based on so she quarried that, but she found that the critter was based off the kangaroo rat which did not fit what Sarah experienced at all. This aggravated and confused her. She was about to search up a few more things when she glanced down and saw that it was ten minutes before her next class. So without any other choice she turned off her computer and headed into the classroom still with the same thoughts bouncing around in her head.

For the rest of the hour in her National Government class going back and forth in her thoughts and past experiences. Juggling her experiences and dreams against what she had read and seen before class. She racked her brain trying to make sense of it. A little bit over half way through the class, another memory hit her. Something about otherkin identifying as something fictional, but not being from classical literature or even mythology nor being a real-life animal either. She couldn’t remember the word for that right off the top of her head or where she heard of it right then.

When she got out of that class she had her lunch break before her last class for the day which would be Introduction to Biology. So Sarah went down to the university food court to get something and then find a nice quiet place to hull up in for the hour to eat and search in peace. All the way down and while in line Sarah kept focusing her attention on her long whip-like phantom tail which had a weighted end to it. She flicked the tip around nearer to her so that its tip was near her chest. Like she had done several times before she tried to make as clear of mental image in her mind of what her tail looked like based on how it felt- the long whip like part roughly only a few fingers thick only for it to end in a heavy and thicker part that was very stiff and did not move or curve like the rest of her tail. The tip did feel like a flat jagged tip to her. Sarah thought back to herself if it had indeed always been like that or if her mind was just adding that detail in, but she thought her tail had always been like that.

Sarah found the classroom where she liked to hide out and eat dark as usual. It was a classroom not used by anyone at this hour and so made for a great place to stay in until people started wandering in for the up coming class some ten or so minutes beforehand. Better yet for her, it was right down the hall from where her other class was set to be, but there was a class in that one during her break. With her warm sub sandwich beside her laptop just starting to power up, Sarah went back to searching, not bothering to check the therianthrope forum she had made an introduction on for now. She’s check later if anything.

After not too much searching around she found the word she was looking for - fictionkin. That was right, she hadn’t seen to much mention of them through her looking into otherkin over all. The webpage she came upon first while searching fictionkin simply described fictionkin as being :

Someone who identify as being something fictional, but rather than being found in classical mythology they identify as being either an invited species or even a specific character from modern fiction from things like novels, comics, movies, or TV series.

Sarah found another website that talked about fictionkin and read some more.

Otaku-kin or Ota-kin (also known as mediakin or fictionkin) are the craziest of the crazy in the otherkin community. They are people who think they are fictional characters reincarnated. They are people who become so obsessed with anime they think they are some made-up character.

This description put Sarah off. That wasn’t how she felt at all. Heck, she hadn’t even ever actually watched Pokémon before, let alone anything else. She checked a few more websites which also had information on what fictionkin were, however much of what she saw was not positive at all or even fit what she was herself. Plus she could find almost nothing from actual fictionkin either starting out. 

Sarah decided to take a break check onto the therianthrope forum she had joined. Sarah wondered if she could ask the forum what they thought about her maybe being a raichu therian, scrolling up and down the index page as she thought. Unsure of herself she went to search fictionkin into the search of the forum. She wondered if anyone had any other thoughts on this fictionkin thing that might give her an idea on what she was looking at really. There weren’t many comments about them it seemed as only one thread was about fictionkin came up though it was labeled otakukin instead.

She clicked on the thread and it brought up the whole thread in question. The first post asked the simple questions of what “fictionkin/otakukin” were, if they were really otherkin or not, and if they were not just crazy. The first response post to it was a simple:

 Otakukin (I find it funny their now trying to call themselves ‘fictionkin’ as if that will make them any better) are people who believe they have the soul of an anime character trapped inside of them. They’re just anime fans taking it too far if you ask me.

 The second response wasn’t any better with:

Otakukin? No - just no. If I saw an otakukin running around any otherkin board, I say they should be banned and their Email be given out with everyone being encouraged to go have fun with them.

Sarah kept looking down the page but wasn‘t seeing anything good at all. One person commented to the person who said that otakukin should be openly trolled, stating that they found their comment cruel and unnecessary while two people stated they felt the same as the other person with how they felt any fictionkin should be treated. The next user added:

I think they should certainly be called oatkukin and not fictionkin (or any other silly word they can think of to maybe make themselves look better). Why?

Because within Japanese culture, an "otaku" is a person with a damaging obsession with something that interferes with everyday life.

So calling them out as otakukin is pretty much saying their "I-Have-A-Problem-And-An-Obsession-That-Is-Self-Destructive"-Kin.

The next person quoted the former only to add:

That's just awesome. So all they really are just overly obsessed anime fantards. Least the nutcases are being honest and being called out on it.

Another poster stated:

Otaku-kin?

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding.

They weren't these various characters, as their only the creation of someone's imagination.

I love anime. I think Cowboy Bebop is one of the best series ever. But I can’t delude myself into thinking it’s a historical account of actual events.

So in effect, I think it's a load of bull. I think they just want attention. Plain and simple.

The next stated:

Honestly, I think there are very few things more arrogant and selfish than to take someone's imagination and hard work, and turn their creation into something completely different. Its wrong.

Speaking as a writer, my creations are basically my babies. Further a lot of my main characters often in up having some characteristics of me or ideals I wish to work toward in me them too. To think that some lowlife might take my hard work and urinate all over it by abusing it for the purpose of backing up their identification with a character  - really sickens me.

Sarah’s heart sake a bit more again as she read that comment. It wasn’t like it was her choice, was it? She had just happened to identify as a raichu or something pretty much like one. She hadn’t even known or at least remembered they existed until. Was she really being selfish by admitting that her experiences matched or at least were pretty close to a fictional creature? Was she playing mind games with herself? Sarah started to feel sick. Terrible. She felt conflicted as she shut her eyes and wished she could will everything about her experiences away - no more phantom limbs, or dreams, or mental shifts. She didn’t want to be an otherkin. She didn’t want to be a raichu fictionkin even more so.

At that point Sarah caught herself back. She blankly wondered to herself if she was actually and honestly considering her theriotype was a raichu? A Pokémon? That she wasn’t a therianthrope but a fictionkin? Her experiences still felt the same for when she considered herself a therian, and she still felt like an animal but she wasn’t?  She stopped and wondered if she was just working herself up and jumping to conclusions. She needed to clam down and take a step back. She needed to be as objective as possible.

She looked back onto the screen of her laptop and was about to scroll back up to the top of the thread to go back when two posts caught her attention. They were two of the last few posts catch on the thread. One said:

I don't really see that much of a difference between someone who identifies as something physically real vs. someone who identifies as something mythological vs. someone who identifies as something fictional. From just a psychological standpoint alone it doesn’t really matter - an identity is an identity. If that is how someone really feels and honestly experiences things then really the shape doesn’t matter as far as the brain cares.

When it comes to spiritual matters, well, let’s face it depending on who you talk to and what their beliefs are all of us could be discounted by somebody. Some people believe that animals have souls and some don’t (or believe only certain animals have them). Some people do believe in others or realms where dragons, unicorns and all that could be and some people don’t. Some people believe in infinite universes or that once a number of people think or believe in an idea entities can slowly be created from it, and obviously a number of people don’t.

So we could debate cause to death really, but at the end of the day if the experiences are honestly there, then they are there.   

Sarah perked up a bit and her phantom tail raised back up from near the ground. She hadn’t noticed how much the tip of her tail had lowered to the ground. She thought that poster, by the username of Charcoal Feathers with an avatar depicting a drawing of a crow, had made a fair lot of sense. Causation of her identity had never really occurred to Sarah at all but the idea of striking off any identity as being possible just because people had different beliefs in how being otherkin is caused did seem weird. Another poster by the username of Jaguarmancy who posted after Charcoal Feathers added to their post say:

What, Charcoal Feathers said. I mean, identifying with something from modern fiction is pretty weird, but let’s fact it we’re all a bit weird. I'd be inclined to hear what they had to say. If they are trying to be honest and being reasonable with their conclusion - sure why not. I like to think I am the mind of person that would listen first and make personal judgments afterward rather then just jump to judgment.

Instead of going back up to the page like she had planned she blindly just exited her web browser completely and sat back to give out the sigh. Her mind going every which way without any clear idea on what to do or what to think right then or there. Sarah decided she needed to take a break from looking at any of this to just let everything soak in. She heard a sound and turned to see the classroom door open and four people come walking in, one hitting the lights. She looked up at the clock to find it was just after ten minutes till next class. She shut down her laptop and hurried out the door and down the hall, feeling emotionally drained already from the day. As she headed into the large lecture room and found her preferred seat she decided to drop any research on any of that for the day if not a few days to gather herself and her thoughts before trying to look at her own experiences and compare them with anything.

*         *        *

Sarah woke suddenly from a dream of wandering though a forest again. She rolled over to find that she had sleep in a little for an average Saturday morning. It had been over a month sense last. Sarah had been posting on the forum fairly regularly about her experiences as well as learning more and more about therianthrope and even otherkin over all at large. She had not, however, been talking about what she had been suspecting as her theriotype at all over any of her stay there while discussing things. After laying in bed for a little while, but unable to sleep, she made up her mind.

Sarah sat up and went over to her laptop o her desk and turned it on. She went to her documents folder and found a word document titled “explanation” and opened it revealing two full pages worth of writing. She’d worked on it all last week and she was finally ready to post it and hope for the best. She logged into the therian forum under her username “Bigfeet” and went to the section for discussing therianthropy and hit the button for “New Thread.” She copy and pasted its contents into the respective places and hit post. After a second of pause, her new thread appeared and front of her. Once again, she began to read over what she had worked on:

Okay. I’ve been thinking about making this thread for several weeks now, and before that spent a good month debating if I was mistaken or just going crazy. I think I’ve found my theriotype (I‘m mostly sure at this point that its what I am identity wise), but its not what I thought it was starting out. Its kind of a long story and to be honest I’m not sure if it will make as much sense to you as it does to me. I hope you’ll give me a chance to explain everything as best to my ability.

It all started the day I first made my introductory post. For that might not remember, I talked about how I still wasn’t sure what my theriotype was exactly but I knew kind of what it looked like and how it acted. But I kept looking and I found something I wasn‘t excepting and something that took a while to get my head around. I found… … … … … …
houseofchimeras: (Kardegray - Self)
Date First Written: August 2012; Date Last Updated July 2014


   Introduction
I often simply call my theriotype as a six-limbed beast. Over the years I’ve bounced back and forth around various labels to try and pin my theriotype into a specific group. These labels include demonkin, therian, animalkin, monster kin, and alienkin - all out of lack of a better label to call myself among specific otherkin words. I am an animal and a beast and likewise my experiences and feelings of my species identity are all animal-like. My species is an animal through and though, just not a terrestrial or actually existing one. I know what I look like and I know my instincts. My instincts center around behavior and instincts which is not to foreign to any other animal or animal-like otherkin. Instincts and urges unlike something that seems human, but then other otherkin have that too in their own form and way. Yet because my animal species is non-terrestrial in nature, its looks alien or monstrous, and even demonic looking though it acts like an animal and I think of it like one.

How I have come to understand how my species is based off of all the experiences I have had over life around my nonhuman feelings through dreams, mental states and instincts, phantom sensations and limbs, and more plus how I am and act in the innerworld that I share with my fellow headmates. When my instincts and impulses as a nonhuman creature are strongest they leave me unable to speak and unable to think in a critical mindset or think beyond present events. Dreams often involve hunting and wandering as my species. Phantom sensations I feel on our system’s physical body when I front include things like my mane, tail, body size/full body, tongues, horns and my ‘extra’ front limbs. Things along these lines and more are what I have on a daily and regular basis.

   Biology
My body is that of an animal or beast through and through. Just not an Earth-based one. My self is of a monstrous nearly nine foot tall if standing upright but while on all fours I is closer to roughly four feet tall. My species can stand and walk on both hind legs as well as on all fours; however, my species moves fastest and has more stamina on all fours. Some of the biggest characteristics of my species is that it is a hexapod (six-limbed - four arms and two legs) that has two-mouths (one set on top of the other), six eyes, two sets of horns, and both fur and scales. Most of my species is covered in fur (which includes a thick black mane surrounding the neck and back of the head) but my legs and my tail are covered in scales.

My biology is actually closer to something reptilian in a way though it is still alien to Earth animals over all in how my biology  is set up. My species is basically cold-blooded because my kind can not drastically regulate body temperature. My fur helps regulate some of the body temperature changes externally however it can not be really internally regulated. Basking in the sun, digging holes to lay down in, and such to gain or lose heat.

The two sets of horns are different in shape - one curls back and around similar to big horn sheep while the others curve up and forward similar to Ayrshire cow. The three sets of eyes are set at different angles - one set faces forward similar to predators like felines, another set faces outward like a deer, the final set faces looking upward and behind the head. This leads to having a huge range of eyesight without tilting the head. Smell is done both though my nose and by my tongues. I use my long tongues to sense and taste the air like a snake or monitor lizard would. I use smell to track and keep track of possible food and others of my kind. Eyesight and smell are the biggest senses.

 The two sets of mouths are a rather complex set up. How the head is similar to how any long muzzled creature is with the nasal passage running on top of the jaws to open up at the front the muzzle with the jaws being hinged in the back to open downward from the rest of skull. What is added on, is a second jaw set above the nasal passage and that flipped vertically so now the jaw opens upward. 

Underneath all this there are two sets of air/food passages. Similar to terrestrial animals the passages are used for both air intake and food passage however rather then their being one, there is two. The first one is connected to the first mouth that is in a standard position compared to terrestrial animals and is also connected to the nasal passage. Do to this double use, while in taking food my species can of course not breathe through the nose nor speak. However that is were the second mouth has various functions. This secondary and weaker mouth is also connected to the lungs by a different passage. This allows my kind to swallow large chucks of food without worrying about not being able to breathe as it slowly goes down plus still being able to vocalize to others while eating.

The two sets of front legs work in unison while running in otherwise cat-like running style. My anatomy allows for equal easy of movement both upright and on all-sixes if you will. Of course, running on all-sizes is faster as the length of my body and the power of all six limbs allows for greater speed then just two back legs. My tail is prehensile at least long its lower half and is used as a weapon both against prey and rivals. The flexible tail is also used for various displays and other kinds of body language. As a general rule of thumb large and flamboyant gestures are more aggressive while slower and more subtle movements are naturally more docile.

    Behavior

My actual behaviors and instincts as a nonhuman animal is rather consist to my species, however because my species does not exist physically, I have noted a number of actual living species which behave in ways similar to my own species similar to how an extinct therian might point to various species living that are similar in nature. My species behavior is similar to what can be likened to a verity of animals, namely monitor lizards and crocodilians in some ways, plus some large solitary big cats (like tiger or jaguar) and maybe even a few bear-like behaviors in that mix too.

   Communication
My species has no voice box to speak in a complex verbal language like the human species. Instead, my species communicates through sounds and body language. No words possible at all and only vocalizations and body language. With my species, common ways of verbal commutating is similar to large reptiles - through mere hissing, rumbling, growling, and snarling. One interesting tidbit in noises is that there is a  rumbling/purring like sound made is made to show affection, to be reassuring, etc. Physical expressions include things of certain factual movements like snapping of either jaw (an actual positive gesture rather then aggressive), shaking of the head (loosely aggressive), or thrashing of my tail(very aggressive gesture). Communication is not on a very complex level and is based on need to keep some amount of communication going around others rather then social goodwill as my kind is not a very social species.

   Social Structure
My species is solitary in nature but has no defined territory like mammals do, again similar to many monitors in real life. Instead, like komodo dragons I tolerate others of my kind as long as they don’t get in my way and leave me alone in my own personal space. My species might wander around freely but its not going to be friendly with others. I do have an instinct to leave marks though. I often want to reaching up along trees or walls to leave my claw marks telling others “I am in the area and I am this big and powerful if watch out for me and stay out of my way we won‘t have any problems.”  Also, akin to some crocodilians, the ability to create loud rumbling sounds (in this case through the air and through the ground) is also used to remind others in the area to hear/feel about how big and healthy others are. Plus, similar to rams, those two sets of horns grow larger bit by bit every year with age and good health. Likewise as well they are mostly used for a visual display and bluffing to size others up, but they can still be used in a fight however not in a head butting kind of way sense my kind does not have a thick enough skull for that. Rather when my kind fights - they fight similar to how komodo dragons do rearing up and trying to pin the others down while using claws and limbs. A lot of pushing and shoving around.

Actual courting after chasing off/defeat any males in the area would mostly consist of finding any female in area, only approach once female knows you are the only male in the immediate area, show you only have one intent and its not an aggressive one, and hope she doesn’t decide to turn around and change her mind about having you so near. This is because while females would have smaller horns then a male, the females would be a fair bit bigger and would have no qualms using their mass to tell an unwanted male to shove off.

   Intelligence
As for my species state of intelligence…I would say somewhere around the intelligence level of dog or other some large canine. I species could never pass most complex thinking tests, but brainy enough to figure how to open a latch door or something along those very basic lines. Probably intelligent enough to notice and work out how some things work, but not brainy enough to really do any complex or forward thinking ideas.

  Habitat
The habitat for my species I would think would be warm (due to being more reptilian) but outside that I’m not sure. I do though tend to be partial to the image of an open plane with sometimes tall grasses and with a few trees here and there. However basically anything that seems like a “warm enough climate for a large reptile-like thing to survive” seems pretty good to me.

   Diet and Hunting
My species diet is an all meat one really. The preferred hunting style is stock and ambush. To rush in on prey in one short burst and try and use weight to bring the large prey down - no long drawn out running at all. Hunting is naturally solitary but if two of my kind happen to be right in the same area and given chase to the same animal - a fight isn’t going to break out either. Also similar to komodo dragons, is how prey sometimes ends up being ‘shared’ as the smell of a kill will naturally draw in others; however, the biggest and badness can somewhat case off smaller ones if they really wanted too. While eating from a kill, food is ripped off in large chucks and swallowed as such. No chewing. The second mouth acts a way to breathe while swallowing is the largest mouth’s job.

The actual prey involved as a target are large fauna - animals the size or large ungulates for example. However other predators are also not off limits if they get too near. Smaller prey hardly makes any interest in my species mind once adulthood is reached. Prey smaller then a large rabbit or fox just isn’t worth the time for an adult of my species.

- Kardegray
houseofchimeras: (Spiridon - Self)
Date First Written: March 2012; Date Last Updated : March 2013

Unicorns in mythology and through art have been described in various ways from being rather horse-like to being more deer-like of course, but have also been likened to being goat-like or even some other kinds of ungulates like even almost wildebeest-like. While the color white is often thought of as the color of a unicorn’s coat, others coat colors have been seen throughout history. Among the unicorns in human bodies, though there is a lot of diversity as well. A number are more horse-like in shape, others more deer-like, or some other kind of ungulate-like. Our coats are not all stark white, and instead coat colors seem to come in various colors and patterns from one that might be seen on any ungulate to amazing colors and patterns not seen even among a number of Earthy animals. One unicorn’s horn can be smooth or spiraled, be of different lengths, straight or curved, and so on compared to another’s horn. Hooves can be solid or cloven, fur length can vary, and so on with any number of details. As diverse as the art and mythology of unicorns it seems.

I also have my own body image as far as I look internally. My body type actually seems more deer or impala like in the body and neck though my legs are slightly thicker then how a deer‘s legs would be. If I had to guess my height, I would be about 14 hands (56 inches, 142 cm, 4 feet 8 inches) tall at the withers which would just put under the distinction between being the size of a horse and the size of a pony. Likewise, my hooves are cloven like a deer’s but without the outer smaller two toes. My horn curves back and shaped like a crescent moon. It also spirals tightly but doesn’t have a definite line curling around it making my horn look a lot like how a narwhal’s tuck in its texture. My coat is of a buckskin color though I don’t have the black points on my legs so much as just a fade into a bronze color. On my head there are an oval shaped snip marking on his nose and a roughly circular star mark around the base of my horn. On my legs lighter grays fade into darker ones down to the hoof. My mane is a light tan. It runs along the back of my neck and back as a furry fringe, all standing/raising up for the most part. This fur fringe continues long the top of my tail stops just after the beginnings of my tail and continues on the underside down the rest of my tail to end in a large tuff. Along the back of my legs there is also fur fringe, and along my chest is a large patch of fur plus a smaller tuff below my chin.

As a unicorn in a human body, a lot of my active experiences and feelings come by way along the lines of phantom sensations is of my unicorn horn. I do have a feeling and remembrance of my unicorn horn on this human head most vividly. This feeling is based just above the center of my forehead rather than squarely right at the center of my forehead. Because of my phantom horn, I have a rather pinpoint personal bubble around and above my head when I control our human body. If my head comes close to someone, I’m only comfortable if it is on my terns and my limits. I naturally tend to take deep-seeded contempt and discomfort to people coming close to the my head without my consent. During thunderstorms, the upper part of my forehead where my phantom horn is often tingles or feels full of static rather strongly. Other notable weather changes often seem to bring on a warm tingling there. On the flipside, when - as some people refer to it as - my gut starts telling me something is off or not right my phantom horn will burn and throb slightly. If something is not sitting well with me or does not feel right to me, my horn acts up as a warning. At random, the base of phantom horn with itch but I do not know why, if it actually has a reason for it at all.

Outside of my phantom horn experiences, I do not have too many phantom experiences as strongly or as common in my every day life.  Every once in a while I feel the fur fringe running down my the top of neck, down my spine, and down my long phantom tail. During these times, my long phantom tail will swift and wave around freely with the feeling of my ridge of fur waving loosely upright in any breeze. I also get phantom sharp teeth for my kind of unicorn have an equivalent to canine teeth in an ungulate mouth, perhaps no to unfamiliar to how camels have rather shape front teeth in an otherwise ungulate mouth . This is what I feel as phantom teeth in my mouth. On a rare time and again, I will have cloven hooves over laying our human feet or hands while fronting as well making them feel stiff and heavy. Phantom hooves most occur along my hands making the nimbleness of my human hands feel out of sync.

I don’t have any past life memories at all. None that I have been able to uncover at least at this point in my life if there are actually any at all anyway. I’m still not sure if my being a unicorn is due to a past life or not though I have not ruled it out neither. I do lean on my nature being more spiritually based with some psychological components, but I’m not convinced of it. When I come across wilderness which really strongly draws out my unicorn nature over all these human instinctive mannerisms and ways of thinking, it is often because it reminds me of our home in our innerworld rather than a place I once lived if that were the case for me. Lush and missy forest and fields is what draws to me as a unicorn. Our innerworld within this body is home to me as being a unicorn. Having our physical body in a place like our innerworld just reminds me of how I am on the inside of this body and on the outside in our innerworld and brings that out.

The mentally how I am as a unicorn is hard to describe. I can say that my mindset as a unicorn, if without this human brain making me think more like a human, my mindset would certainly be something certainly nonhuman and even bestial in some respects. For myself as a unicorn my mental experiences, while there is a high amount of instinct there, there is still some sort of complex thinking still. Perhaps this sense of awareness and intelligence of maybe something akin to an elephant in some ways though perhaps not as intelligent as that. However the aims of that complex thoughts isn’t toward problem solving as much as the awareness for the world around me. Even though I am similar to a deer or antelope in appearance and in certain characteristics, I don’t have an innate wariness of possible danger like deer behave. I’m not as inclined to get suspicious of what be around me. My mentality is outside a sort of idea of a ‘food chain’ really it seems.

There are little things and action creep out into me at times. This goes beyond just phantom sensations and changes in mentality. These are actions and instincts. The instinct to face threats with my face forward and my forehead bent down as if I was still a unicorn and I was still pointing horn at a threat ready to use it. I also have the instinct to be a kicker. I use my legs a lot in emotion and tend to do a lot of kicking out and stomping to make a point or move things. When being tender and trying to be gentle I have the urge to touch them with my nose and forehead, to nuzzle them.

Something I do actually and really miss is how I walk and move in ‘my own body’ compared to our physical human one. I do often feel amiss in this human body compared to my unicorn body. I miss walking on all fours, more at a pace and gait best considered trotting and galloping then. I miss that ability to do so rather dearly actually while fronting. I miss that swiftness and power of my legs under me. My unicorn body in our innerworld does not run effortlessly in the least, but the effort needed in compression to my physical human body is still different. Different doesn’t mean its negative or bad, but it still can be a source of confusion and discomfort in places. I do feel a sense of body and species dysphoria, as well as gender dysphoria due to this physical human body compared to my innerworld unicorn body. I think the only reason I don’t hold much contempt over this body and its differences to my own body is because this body is merely a physical shell to me. I have this body but this body isn’t me.
Further, there is the song. Well, the instinct and the urge to sing anyway. Like with how many song birds sing their tune and how wolves want to howl, I’ve always felt I want to bring a song similar to a flute being played from my horn. A strong urge and desire to sing out a tune from within my horn. This is another instinct and drive I have. It’s a way that I would communicate and add meaning to body language, but the human body can’t make clue noises of course.

This is how I see myself as a unicorn and the overview of some of the most common ways my unicorn identity effects me in daily life. I see myself as still a unicorn on the inside but my physical human body is human. I have no illusions to the reality of the world outside this body. I know I am physically human. Mentally and spiritually though I am a unicorn. Knowing how the physical world isn’t does stop the mental effects I feel and have. I am still a unicorn in my mind.

- Spiridon
houseofchimeras: (Spiridon - Self)
Date First Written: March 2012; Date Last Updated: March 2013

The ideas around unicorns has gained a number of common images and themes which have become entwined around the term unicorn as much as my horn curls around itself. Over time and across space different ideas and themes have been placed upon the unicorn. Sometimes in areas they have had different names, different appearances, different certain behaviors, and so on. Not all portrayals of unicorns in mythology and fiction are the same. Its curious to delve into how these things might effect or relate to how I am as a shadhavar unicorn. Exploring how I am a shadhavar and how fiction and mythology compares or contrasts. Exploring my being a unicorn as myth, archetype, and symbolism. The portrayal of unicorns over the years has certainly gained some common themes and symbolisms at times. So to explore those in relation to myself.

Over the decades due to the strong influence of Christianity in art, during the medieval and renaissance especially, the image of the unicorn has grown to be symbolic of the purity and all good of Jesus or even Christian God. This use of symbolism appeared in both writing and art. An example of something someone wrote, Saint Basil once wrote, "Christ is the power of God, therefore He is called the Unicorn on the ground that He has one horn, that is, one common power with the with the Father." I know this has influenced some parts of the unicorn community as well. After all, the first book written by a unicorn for other unicorns was Are You A Unicorn?: Mission and Meaning of Unicorns by Roy Wilkinson (I have never read myself as it is out of print sadly) which is notable as a book for people who identify as unicorns and “what unicorns are about” comes at its topic from a Christian standpoint. For myself, I can not identify with this at all, due to not being Christian nor having any background in growing up around Christianity. I don’t have much else I could add beyond that really.

The unicorns in Persian mythology are called shadhavar. It is these kinds of unicorns which specifically seem to match the best of any other unicorn depictions as far as mythology goes. Because of these strong similarities I use the term shadhavar to help specify how I am. I apply this term to myself rather than I try to make myself fit this term. There are many things which really stick out with this kind of unicorn compared to various other kinds of unicorns across the world. The most notable similarity is that shadhavar can play a musical tune similar to a flute through their horn (or in some tellings the wind blows through their horn to produce the sound). That is something I have always felt that as one my strongest unicorn feelings/instincts. Similar to how wolf therians feel the desire to howl I felt I should play a tune through my horn. Of course, this behavior for shadhavar in mythology was said to have the purpose of luring in prey which would then be killed for food. That I do not feel as much. Though I do consider my unicorn-self able to eat meat rather then just plant material, I don’t see my kind as actually being complete meat-eaters only nor see the use of this song to be used just for or only luring prey. Rather, this song has many uses. To enjoy the song, to communicate in a whole verity of meanings through pitches, and such as well as luring living creatures in either to calm or to lure in. The body shape of the shadhavar in mythology is described as similar to an antelope. This as well I find similarity with especially consider of any ungulate I have seen I consider my body shape to be most similar to the lesser kudu which is a species of antelope. Among this antelope line, my hooves are actually two ‘toed’ plus my coloring is of a tan and bronze color roughly not to dissimilar to some antelope species. A more detailed feature in mythology is that shadhavar are said to have dark markings on their face. On my side of things, I have a star on my forehead, a snip on my nose, and two markings on both sides below my eyes. These traits cause me to identify most with this kind of unicorn in mythology, yet there are other traits to non-shadhavar unicorns that I identify with.

Unicorns are legendary for their healing abilities. The horn of a unicorn, called the alicorn, was thought to have magical and healing properties. One reported property is it was thought the horn could neutralize poisons in drinks. The ability for the horn to purify water dates back to the Physiologus, a manuscript of various animals and fanatic beasts originally written in Greek. In the work, it mentions a scene of animals not drinking from a body of water because it was poisoned only for a unicorn to come to drink and with its horn purifies the water. Of course, originally the ability to due this was said because the sign of the cross was made by the horn, going back to the Christian symbolism, which is later on dropped from the tales. As for myself, I can feel this ability in some way is connected to my being a unicorn. I do think that my kind of unicorn would certainly have the ability to purify water and this comes off as a kind of instinctive behavior in its own way. See, when I drink no matter if its from a glass or drinking fountain I have the impulse to pause for a moment before preceding. An instinctive waiting for a moment almost like how some therians have the impulse to sniff their food or drink before continuing as in both cases its not like anything could be really be done or sensed but its done anyway because instinct drives the slight act.

More modern media have expanded on the possible abilities of a unicorn through their horn to include actually being able to heal sickness or even heal wounds directly. I’m not sure of how far into these kind of connects go though they seem to have their basis on early stories going from neutralizing poisons to healing sickness to healing wounds and so on. A few modern books I know of are The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle in which the unicorn was able to bring back a man to live and in The Unicorn  Chronicles by Bruce Coville the unicorns are able to heal wounds with some difficulty the greater the injury. As before with the instinct of wanting to purify water, when it comes to healing I do somewhat feel it being connected to my being a unicorn. Again, its like an instinct toward something that isn’t there and isn’t possible.  I could see that my kind of unicorn might be able to do something along the lines of healing but the idea seems to abstract to really understand. So the feeling is like a faint thought in the back of my head saying ‘if I was a unicorn and whatnot, I could heal in some small ways’ but its not something I think about.

Another trait often applied to unicorns is that they are quiet and peaceful creatures. These ideas seems to be connected with the unicorn being seen as a pure and innocent creature in various stories and myths. Ideas of unicorns being apposed to violence and cruelty. For myself, somewhat stereotypically, I am a rather quiet and youth-filled sort. Plus I do have a strong loathing for senseless violence, cruelty, and death; however, I am not someone who has a complete revolution or condemnation of all forms of death. Personally, on my own grounds, I do try to avoid fights and conflicts, but I am not someone to just run or avoid. When aggravated, I do want to nip people with my teeth, kick out, or drive my horn in to or at people at least in the back of my head if I had the form I felt I should have. I even, have a tendency to drop my head down low when feeling threatened or aggravated. Then again, everyone has their limits, and unicorn as just as much individuals as anyone, and not like the saintly or all gentle always that’s seen in fiction and in pictures. I just have my quirks on how I might react to conflicts, quirks which do not necessarily fit with a human template. Broader things, such as the commonality of violence and crime, war, destruction of nature, and more certainly hits me strongly. Of course, who doesn’t in some view or another yet unicorns as the theme seem to show these treats in a very strong way.

One of the biggest things unicorns are credited with is being a creature of purity and innocence. These ideas of unicorns goes fairly far back into sense Christian symbolism became linked the image of the unicorn at the time. When it comes to themes like ‘purity’ and ‘innocence,’ if I do or don’t feel these ideas might be applicable to me as a shadhavar depends on how the words are used. I can’t really think of any creature living that would be or how it would be ‘pure’ actually. If the use of the word is trying to describe a creature that is free of being removed from its own wild nature or similar, perhaps I could see it that way. However if to mean a creature that is clean and castrate, I can’t really see that being applicable to any creature really. I do not identify with the image of a unicorn as being rather pure and peaceful onto my identity. If its interpreted as being a creature of the wilderness (perhaps that ‘kind of pure’ if you will) but still a creature that would face threats head on. Beyond this or anything more supernatural in meaning, I can’t identify with. I just wouldn’t and can’ think a concept like ’purity’ being connected to my kind of unicorn, a shadhavar.

On the other ‘hoof,’ unicorns have also been labeled as fierce or ferocious. Some of the early writings of unicorns talk of a creature that is fleet and fierce. A number of such early writings talk of the unicorn in a way that wasn’t a supernatural creature but a natural beast. Other descriptions of unicorns in this manner is that of “wildness” and “swift.” This manner of describing a unicorn in this way means something very much to me. I do see myself as a creature that, if physically real, would act like any creature with my own instincts and species quirks. Even the physically impossible traits to how I see myself as a unicorn still have some instinct to them. Even these impossible things seem naturally part of the behavior and have a purpose. If you’ve ever seen the ’what if’ documentary-style television films Dragons: A Fantasy Made Real and Mermaid: A Body Found perhaps that is what I am trying to get at. That if such creatures did exist in reality how they would of ‘worked’ and behaved. That there were behaviors driving everything.

Unicorns are often linked with nature. In some portrayals unicorns are seen as connected to nature in some way. Sometimes as a protector of nature or similar. I can’t remember any older stories but a more modern example of this is in The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle, where it is alluded to in the beginning that the unicorn provided some manner of protection to the forest she lived in and the animals there. Though, I can’t say as I feel as a unicorn having a connection to protection nature so much as just a connection to nature simply. Of course, looking at any tale of unicorns as creatures living in the wilderness is reference enough to this connection to nature really. I am a nature lover of course, which also seems to be a fairly common trait among a number of otherkin in general as well unicorns specifically. I am connected with nature, but I’m realistic and not bright-eyed about how nature is in anyway. I prefer nature to heavy urbanization, but urbanization mindful of nature does not bother really. I do feel at home in nature, but I also enjoy the comforts of human technology in many ways. Nature does has a lot of dangers no matter who or what you are (just as there are some forms of danger of having a human life in some aspects), but there are still is an element of a feeling of ‘home’ away from urbanization.

One thing that has become linked to unicorns is young maidens. This comes form the symbolism of young maidens (almost always meaning virgins)  being images of purity and innocence and seems to date back to Medieval times though the exact origins of the myth are complex and vague at best. In general though, the myth is that unicorns are attracted to young virgin women (or in some modern portrayal any virgin male or female) in some way to the point that they are compelled to come near and then lay their head in their lap if they sit alone quietly. I can honestly say I wouldn’t want to go rushing over to any person, young or not, to lay near them as a unicorn let alone as a human as I am now obviously. In my mind’s eye of how I would be as a unicorn I would be a creature that doesn’t have any interest in humans. Akin it to how almost any real life wild animal would be in the sense of avoidance, wariness, or perhaps even aggression if pressed. So I honestly can’t say as I can identify with this myth in any form or  level at all.

And about those connection between unicorns and rainbows, to be clear - hello? Are you kidding me? Somewhat stereotypical ‘proud’ to be gay guy, here. Yes, I do like rainbows and colors in general. Of course, I am not all about rainbows nor connect this to being a unicorn in a human body. I actually prefer natural shades of color rather than neon shades. I don’t consider my like of a verity of colors grouped together to be in anyway related to my unicorn identity.

So I can’t say I am exactly like some of the more common images of unicorns over the years; however, that is to be excepted considering how widely varies the portrayals of unicorns have been over the many years. I am just me. Some unicorns identity in ways different from others. My own kind of unicorn  just happens to look and act like one kind of unicorn once portrayed  in Persian mythology enough for me to like to use the term for myself. Some themes I identify with more strongly then others.

- Spiridon
houseofchimeras: (Lunatani - Self)
Date First Written: February 2012; Last Updated: October 2012

Adlet. Kind of a weird word that is suppose to mean of a quiet literal half man and half dog creature from Inuit folklore. Upper body of a man, lower body of a dog. Adlet being a creature of Inuit folklore and so never possibly ever existing in anyway not to mention they are humanoid to boot, one would think I would feel most at home with the otherkin community of all the various kintypes and topics. Yet… I’ve always enjoyed the therian community more than the otherkin community though and felt more closely related to their experiences. I agree with more of the focus of interest of in the therian community more than the otherkin community, since every community has a culture unique to them and the therian and otherkin community still have a slightly twinge of differing community set-ups. Mostly because I don’t think of myself as being mythical as my experiences are so… dog-like really. 

I don’t identify with the stereotypes associated with being otherkin of a non-therianthropic sort. How my identity presents is actually more like the stereotypes for therians thru and thru really. I’m very animalistic with how my identity ticks and runs. While, I believe I am nonhuman because of something to do with my soul but I don’t actively believe or think about in astral planes or dimensions, and I have no past life memories to talk about. I also can’t talk about the folklore around what I label myself to be because there is so little about them and they don‘t really interest me much. The folklore of the adlet is one thing, but that is not ‘me.’ I am not a story or a past experience, I am canine like creature with a human body. I’ve seen how sometimes dragon and gryphon people can get away with calling themselves therian specifically rather than just general being otherkin due how their identity presents and/or feel more comfortable and familiar around therian communities than general otherkin ones. I am similar to that really, though it pains me sometimes that I can’t be afforded the same consideration. They see my humanoid looking form and scoff at the idea of me ever experiencing anything to the due they do. Sometimes I do think I would call myself an adlet therian if I could get away with it, but in the measure all of us in our system are more ‘therianthropic’ then some therians like to stereotype the rest of otherkin to be. 

I think if I hadn’t been born as part of a multiple system, I might have very easily mistaken myself some kind of a sled dog or maybe a feral dog therian. A lot of my experiences and habits are very dog-like. Without our innerworld, I wouldn’t have known so much about my nonhumanness near as well from the start. I would have had to work much more on my experiences and feelings to find out what I am, rather than going on my innerworld body plus my experiences and go forward and try and find a name for what I am. Even then, it wasn’t easy since our innerworld has a lot of flexibility in what we can do and what we look like until we decide the exacts at which point things settle down.

I identify with sled dogs as I am basically a feral sled dog with a more humanoid upper body. An adlet looks human-ish from the top up and so they do a few things human-like buts its not without the dog-ish looks on top of dog-like things right in there. Some kind of sled dog might not be my theriotype to me, but I identify with sled dogs through my kintype. That body type, mannerisms and behaviors, fur coat, and natural breed origins - sings for me I guess you could say. Not as I am one of them but like they are cousins to me. I identify with their vaguely lupine features, but not with the wholly wildness of actual wolves. Actual wild canines seem too serious and fully wild while I feel more puppy-like, laidback, and sort of domesticated. Something in-between the needs and desires for nature and the comfortableness with some urbanization of mankind.

Unlike a number of others in our system, my natural nonhuman mentality doesn’t loose complete critical and complex thinking when I slip away from the influence of our human body and brain. The thought process are really different though. A lot of more abstract ideas like math or numbers beyond counting with just a quick look, language beyond the most basic phrases, ideas of worrying about the far past or far future, and such go out the window but I don’t loose total loss of some higher thinking like self-awareness, critical thinking skills like cause and effect, and such. I guess, even if I wasn’t otherkin that wouldn’t be to surprising since studies show different species of nonhuman animals have different forms of thinking. I actually want to speak in growls, whines, hisses, and clicking-like yips along with using body language heavily. In our innerworld, even though my mouth is human-like I can’t speak a human tongue even there - only make the sounds and body language you might hear from a canine. My head and chest might be humanoid, but internally its like my vocal cords are still canine. Both in our innerworld and by my instincts I use or want to use sounds not words. Sounds that are mostly dog-like, and what human-ish words I could get out would unusually sound more along the tones of those dogs you see in videos that can ’speak’ - only one or two gruffs or howls that sound like a word or phrase. An reflex to use my body to communicate but in ‘standard’ ways. I do use hands for communications but not in the same way - like when I point rather than using a finger I use more like my whole arm or my head. Head stilts and posturing most people around me don’t get the message, and they don’t get why I reactively make so many ’strange’ sounds. In our system, I’m as dependant on our mental link to get worded meaning across to others in our system as anyone else.

I think the only big thing I don’t get that I know Mist Weaver, Earth Listener, Spiridon, and Pantairin get is the mental weirdness over walking upright rather than on all four. Talking about the whole range of the human foot is something I do have mental weirdness but only Pantairin and Spiridon seems to share this kind of discomfort with me. Unlike them my kin can naturally walk upright however my anatomy is still like a dog’s. Sometimes I think it throws me off more while controlling our human body because its so similar in that one way with still one big difference. With them going from there awareness of their innerworld body to our human one the difference is so over welling they’ve learned to reorient themselves after. For me, it sneaks up on me and catch myself trying to walk digitigrade or tumbling over our own feet because they stick out so much more from what I’m used to.

My phantom limbs focus on my most nonhuman traits. Whenever I front I get the felling of my large pointed ears on my head and from my waist down the feeling of the rest of me with a lot of focus on my tail and legs from the calf down to my toes. I also get feelings of  pawpads with thick dull claws on my hand, my canine teeth in my otherwise human mouth, and wisps of fur along my elbows and down my back, but they’re not that common. Maybe just every once in a while. No matter what is the phantom they are always very vivid whereas others’ phantom experiences may or may not be as strong.  My tail wags all the time and ears twitch with every thought - the phantom going along with what I‘m doing inworld. A weird mix of traits that are ’humanoid’ and ’dog’ naturally all in one.

I’m at home away from urban living. In folklore, adlet were spoken of from the tribes found in the northern part of North America but I actually don’t like the cold that much. Course, not all of the Northern lands is nothing but ice and snow so much out of the year. I love snow and romping in it but I don’t like the cold or being cold, maybe because our human body does have fur like I‘m used too. I still prefer cool to the hot summer though. I don’t do well in summer heat. I like forests and plains. The sounds of heavy urbanization drains me down and it takes natural places to recharge me back up. 

I have a hunting instinct of sorts but its not as developed as how it is for Zedjeb, Earth Listener, and everyone else. Kind of like how a domestic dog sometimes chases and hunts; a lot of my instincts focus first on the chase but not as much for the final kill as strongly as others. Movement and animals talking off running can trigger me into wanting to chase but my instinct for the final takedown isn’t as fully formed where as Zeoriel and a lot of the others in our system have the full instinct to down the prey and eating of the kill. Smaller animals when they start moving is what really catches my eye, while larger and standing still not as much. 

I love running. The faster the better. Its sad that the human body can’t run as fast as I could. It tires to easily too. Its actually saddening and even a little weird because it does so fast. I want to go but I can’t. Everyone in our system often tease me about how much like to do on “walks.” I do really. I love strolls or going to the park or other more natural areas. Its so stereotypical for a dog, but I love it nonetheless.

So being an adlet but with a human body is a bit strange. I act like a dog and generally look like a dog though one that has been made to look kind of humanoid up top. In my dreams and my shifts it really shows. I think of wandering about shorelines with a pack trying to hunt down something to eat. The idea of snow, something not so nice to hunt in I’m sure, but still exciting to see none the less. Like some kind of dog born semi-feral but know lives domestically. You get to enjoy things you likely would not have enjoyed at all if you had been your theriotype. I can enjoy the idea of hunting and romping around now. In some ways maybe growing up human but identify as adlet has ‘tamed’ me for sure in that respect in how I treat my canine tendencies and behaviors. Softened me up a bit in how I react to the world.  

So I don’t consider myself that much different from dog therians. I’m not one, I’m still an adlet; but I can identify with what dog therians say and experience. I identify with them more than any kind of grouping of otherkin I can really think of or have seen. So humanoid I might be but not human-like in how I want to think or act. I might have a humanoid body from the waist-up but I still have dog legs from the waist down. I’m still not human but I’m also not a dog, but I feel and want to behave more like a canine then I ever have a human. So I side with dog therians a tad more. 

- Lunatani
houseofchimeras: (Aquasarius - Self)
Date First Written : January 2012

I. Introduction
The otherkin and therian communities both online throughout places on the internet and offline where people meet-up and know other ‘kin in real-life can be a very diverse group. Yet one way to divide otherkin and therians which leaves very few people still is to note all the aquatic and water-related theriotypes and kintypes. They collectively are not common, or at least not as common as land based kintypes. Within the therianthropy community - sharks, fish, seals, and even dolphins let alone other animals are not all common in terms of numbers in most online forums. Similarly, in the otherkin community - dragons inclined to water and sea serpents, mermaids, undines, and such - while having been in the community a number of times over the years are also not very common overall.

Having desires and wants more akin to their given kintypes and/or theriotype is not unheard of among many therians and otherkin to lesser or greater extents. However, given the nature of human society and the physiology of the human body, being kin to any creature more at home in water than land can leave a slightly different set of challenges to adapt to and live with. Living on land or even possibly living nowhere near a large body of natural water, can possibly leave any given person frustrated at being away from their desired place. It can be hard of any therian or otherkin no matter what they identify as being and if any given place or habitat tugs at their heart.   

This essay is a listing and description of ways which have helped both myself and Earth Listener over time with craving and wanting for the sea, and what we  have heard from other aquatic kin. It’s a hope that this might come in useful for other otherkin or at least be an interesting read for other people on this topic. May it either be useful as it is or a brainstorming jumping off point.


II. Touch
Its not always possible to go swimming or even take a long soaking bath or shower every time one got the urge or need for ones natural element. For the latter, while one’s cleanliness will never be questioned again, the subsequent water bill will surely make it impractical for this coping technique to be used every single time. Going swimming is also nice, but not everyone has access to either a swimming pool or natural body of water were swimming is permitted and/or safe. This can be do to either distance, financial constrains, or limitations of the local area. Other physical methods are also possible that could be useful in-between.

One thing I have used to a nice effect is that of taking a cool wet rag or simply a wetted hand across the skin. It can be a great way to stave a need for water indeed. Plus it is a lot more subtle, quick, and easy then a full drenching no matter where and when the need for water rises in most cases and it can still have rather soothing effects. This might be especially nice on areas where phantom sensations are such as phantom gills or fins are coming from, at least in my own and earth Listener’s experience. Leaving the water on the skin to slowly evaporate on it own can help.

Another touch related tip is to try running your hand (or hands) through water, running or still. (Though for us, still water seems to work better for us.) Perhaps dipping your fingers or whole hand in a bowl or glass full of water for a moment might help sooth some desires for water for a little while. An alternative to their might be soaking your feet instead.

Actually being able to visit natural bodies of water of any form no matter the kintype is often a wonderful experience. Whether it be a stream, pond, river, or even the greatest place to find water - the ocean. Even if you can’t physically take a dip or wade into the water for whatever reason, just being near the water and experiencing it can be a great thing. Being able to see, hear, smell, and touch the water can be enough for some.


III. Sight
For techniques using the gift of sight perhaps give guided visualizations of swimming in or being in water a try. For added effect try compounding senses by doing such visualizations while listening to any given preferred track of ocean or water sounds or while relaxing in a bath or standing in a shower.

Daydreaming or anything that stimulates a sense of sight or being there can be very useful if water isn’t near or available at any point in time.  If you have trouble visualizing a detailed scene or places try using photos or videos of watery places which you are strongly drawn to. Try visualizing yourself into the scene itself rather than working with a blank slate and see if that makes it easier on you or is more rewarding.

Even just watching videos of aquatic life can be fruitful. Either of general life or specific to creatures more relevant to you identity. If you are a therian of a still living species finding video of your theriotype might be easier top find than and otherkin or therian of an extinct species might have. In those cases, trying to find videos of creatures similar enough either in appearance or behavior might work. For example, given their size and ways of hunting, large toothed whale are creatures which can pull certain strings of emotion and instinct while watching videos of them since taniwha are not physical Earth creatures.

There are countless written material - fiction and nonfiction alike based around watery bodies and their inhabitants. Reading stories and accounts of aquatic life can be a great release of emotions and thoughts. We have heard from at least two aquatic kindred who have found the book, The Music of the Dolphin, despite being more of a children’s book, to be rather moving for aquatic therians due to being about a feral child raised by dolphins who desires the ocean and her family again. We have personally found the manga series, Children of the Sea, to be incredibly moving to our otherkinity due its amazing graphics of ocean life as well as its themes of people being linked to the story. Of course nonfiction works have their mystique and can draw out and fulfill some things for possibly on aquatic ’kin. Books about life underwater can be a completing outlet. For example, we own one little book, The Majesty and Mystery of the Sea: A Photographic Celebration of the Marine Environment, which is full of ocean photographs coupled with quotes and proverbs about the sea and aquatic life there. The photographs are beautiful and the words inspiring.

Keeping a plant or fish aquarium might also be a lovely idea though not everyone has the time or money to care for other living beings. However the sounds of water falling and the sight of fish swimming and/or live plants waving slightly can be beneficial to the psyche.


IV. Hearing
One might be the use of sounds. There are countless tracks of ocean waves, babbling brooks, whale songs, and other aquatic related sounds. Play around with sounds which influence you the most, for example, both Earth Listener and I enjoy the rolling lull of water currents but not so much the sounds of crashing waves on a shore. Try listening to something while relaxing or even trying to sleep, they might even influence your dreams to involve a body of water even.

For more permit sounds in daily life, there are indoor or desk water fountains. They come in all sort of shapes and sizes and can produce a nice present background sound. They are not mobile however a place in a bedroom, on an office desk, or simply nearby where a lot of time is spent can be something to listen to throughout the time you are within hearing range.

There are some songs and hymns which either is about water or involves a water-like effect in the tune itself if not both for the same song. For example, the orchestral song, “Rain” from the soundtrack of the movie Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmerian involves a very aquatic feel within its tune as does the song “Hymn to the Sea” from the soundtrack for the movie, Titanic. A song which involves both lyrics about the ocean that also has a nice aquatic-vibe to the overall music is the song “Emocean” by Lunatica. Songs either of orchestral or lyrical could have soothing effects on one’s desire for water as well.


V. Smell
The smell of cool humid air can have a very soothing effect. Anything from an actual humidifier to a simple misting bowl or fountain as they are sometimes called. Smelling and feeling the extra hint of moister can be very nice to breather in. It can also be very refreshing during the time of the year when the humidity is low.

Also, there are various fragrance oils, forms of incense, and even perfumes which have been created to have salty or aquatic scents to them which might be appealing to burn (or in the case of perfume wear). We do not wear perfume ourselves that much, but we have been told by elinox that the Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab’s Pool of Tears and Deep Ones are very nice. After she suggested it, I have also have tried BPAL’s Pool of Tears which I found it amazing especially because of its salty smell which really did help. I also personally love to burn fragrance oil and my own favorites scents form the brand we buy are called Oceanic and Rain which have smells that remind me of water quiet nicely indeed.


VI. Taste
Something as simple as taking a sip of water could help. Actual water rather than carbonated beverages and such tend to give the best effects for both myself and Earth Listener. Not only does having the taste of water in our mouth make us feel better but a keeping our body adequately hydrated helps keep down the drive for water. We tend to feel our best when very hydrated both physically and mentally and the fact we are drinking nice cool water actually does seem to hit a sweet spot in our nonhuman aquatic identities.

Ice is a nice cooling treat to let melt in your mouth. Just DON’T try and chew or bite down on it - you can damage your teeth! Also always be wary of the possibly swallowing the piece of ice on accident. As to avoid chewing or swallowing as well as making sucking and licking ice easier to manage, there are reusable popsicle trays that can be bought (or made by using a standard ice tray plus use toothpicks or similar) and filled with water to let freeze.


VII. Conclusion
Being kin to any creature at home in the water can be something in which coping and calming techniques, or even trigger techniques, can end up being rather inventive and quirky compared to others though not to say aquatic kin have it any harder than any other otherkin regardless of kintypes or theriotypes. Its merely different perspective just as kin that are at home in the air might be able to find similar enjoyments. Every kind of otherkin, and down to the individual in fact, has things which work for them which might not help anyone else. Its my hope that is essay works as a brainstorming for others to work with. Its my hope these ideas and things we have found useful to be useful or helpful for others.

- Aquasarius
houseofchimeras: (Lunatani - Self)
Date First Written: January 2012

Being humanoid in form doesn’t make someone anymore ‘human’ than other otherkin. Visual similarities aside there is often, for some kintypes, little resemblance otherwise between ‘human’ and a creature that is ‘humanoid but still nonhuman’ once you think about it. An angel might stereotypically look like just a human with wings, but that doesn’t make them so nor is a faun just like a human because they happen to look human from the waist-up more or less. The same is true for elves, mermaids, fae, and other possible kintypes that look human-like either just a little bit or lot more. They are still not human, and the otherkin who identity as any of them are not any less of an otherkin for it. Similar doesn’t make same as.

Even otherkin that are rather humanoid can have their own experiences with phantom limbs that don‘t fit a human template, natural instincts and longings not ‘normal’ for humans, mental dissonance from human behavior or society, a desire for nature in some form or another, and basically everything else more bestial otherkin and therians can and do experience. That feeling/sense of not being human, of not being in the right body, the sense of being ‘other,’ experiences ‘normal’ humans don’t seem to have - is still there. Just because someone’s kintype is more humanoid doesn’t automatically mean their otherkinness is necessarily any easier than someone whose kintype is not as humanoid in the least.
 
These more humanoid in kintype otherkin are often seemingly seen as more ‘human-like’ not only in appearance but also behavior then other otherkin sometimes. But a person can’t look at a person’s kintype and assume how their nonhuman identity effects them personally let alone what experiences such an identity does to them. Just because a person’s kintype looks humanoid doesn’t mean their kintype acts human or have instincts or mindsets not exactly or at all like something human. Some otherkin like mermaids, harpies, or fauns might even have experiences one might except from the animals their kintype has apparent traits of (phantom limbs, desires and longs for the outdoors, certain instincts and drives, and so on); while otherkin like dryads might experience things unlike any terrestrial animal (including humans). For other otherkin the difference has a lot more to do with the world around them then their physical body. A stereotype of this might be the elves, who pick-up on cultural and society differences more, or at that’s what I’ve seen from my perceptive. Then again, some humanoid otherkin might not. Some otherkin might not deal with or experience anything as dramatically or strikingly as others might, but even people of the same kintype can have very different experiences.

I’ve personally seen various forms of humanoid otherkin criticism or magnetization from other otherkin and also from a number of therians as well. It comes in shades from just not thinking they have as much to contribute or can’t understand the problems ‘less human’ otherkin face to outright criticism that they are of varying degrees of posers or people wrapped up in fantasies.

I’m not human. My body might be fairly humanoid from the waist up but the similarities end there. The lower half of me is most definitely not human. Humans don’t have sharp teeth, big animal-like pointed ears, and certainly not a furry tail or legs like a dog. That certainly isn’t human at all. That is just my nonhuman appearance, not to mention my nonhuman experiences. The siren’s call away from human society and into any place more fitting for the word ’wilderness’ telling in me. Some of my behavioral quirks are to want to whine, growl, hiss, snarl, yip, and all sorts of other noises that want to slip out if would let them. When fronting, I almost always get phantom legs over our physical human ones, plus my phantom ears and little tail are hard to miss. I also get my own brand of a kind of mental shift but they seem to be a bit different from how most therians seem experience them. They have a similar in animistic instinctive drive and reaction but I don’t loose the complex thinking of something more human-like even when they are very intense.

In the end, the biggest and most important similarity and connection a humanoid otherkin and a bestial otherkin have in common is that neither of them identity as being human or look at the world like a human does necessarily. Kintype appearances run all over the place and experiences even with the ’same kintype’ can have huge differences. That is why otherkin have come together in one for or another over the past few decades - to share experiences and stories, talk about the amusing things in life, share coping mechanisms, and then some. We identity as nonhuman and that is some commonality that can be certainly talked about.

- Lunatani
houseofchimeras: (Pantairin - Self)
Date First Written: January 2010; Date last Updated: August 2013


We do not fully at all understand how our system really and truly came about. We know how certain things were throughout life, and how it all seems to be connected in how our system evolved; but we don’t really know the actual root cause of our multiplicity if there actually is one at all. We don’t know the rhyme or reason, and instead we just know the end result that is now things are today. We can guess and theorizes about it one way or another, but they are only pet hypnoses that are only based on scant evidence and experiences that can sway either way. So we do have are our thoughts on how we might of come together and ended up this way in some way, but those theories very well could be wrong. In the end we just don’t know. We’re not fully sure, and may never be fully sure to how we came about in the end no matter now much time we would sent combining through memories. In the end however, the cause does not matter to us as much as how we live our lives together now. Even though we don’t know the root cause from the beginning, we do know the evolution of the after effects and how we came to be throughout life.

We have never, as far as our collective memory persists, been alone in this head or body. There have always been things going on inside this head completely out of each of our control. Even if we were not aware of each other as we are now and see each other as we see ourselves today, we were still there none the less. Our early life was something of a strange thing in relation to our multiplicity looking back now. Each of us were there in a weird way off and on, and in control of our body in a way; but we were unaware of each other and ourselves in the end. We weren’t sure of ourselves or what we were, but that of course would begin to change over time. During that time, we were still young.

We are not exactly sure how it was beyond a few general ideas and memories. It is weird in that we remember our childhood and into preteen years generally rather good and all, yet we cannot quite put into detail what was going on our brain throughout that time. We have a hard time recalling what was believed, thought, or felt during any given time early on in our life even if we remember what was going on outside our mind. We remember our mind was always going and going with ’voices’ and thoughts here and there. We are not sure as the cause of this, though perhaps it goes back to our brain being so full of chaos early on in our lives because we were not organized like we are now. Our early life was full of chaos in our mind for sure. Our thoughts and feelings were all over the place back then.

One thing we have noticed is that looking back we can point out memories and events which remind us very prominently as someone in our system today. Memories in which any number of us certainly appeared to be fronting at one given time or another before we even knew we were multiple at all and before we awakened to ourselves as we know each other today. There are things we remember doing or saying back as a child or young teenager that was distinctly one of us even if we weren’t fully aware of each other back then. Times when which what we said or the tone of voice that was used or what we did, which we can place as being distinctly from someone. We remember events in our early life in which our voice sounding like how Lunatani speaks today, remember our factual expression at several times having Kardegray’s famous smirk, events in which we held Pantairin’s more formal and slow speech pattern, and so on. Little things here and there that happen to actually remember though there is so much we likely have forgotten over the years. 

It wasn’t until we started going into our teen years that the first hints of our multiplicity started to come to our awareness though at the time we miss construed them into thinking what was going on was something else. It was sometime during our pre-teen or early teen years, with think, that Earth Listener and Cavern-Risen came to distinctly front the most. From what we can figure, everyone else still made appearances and had influences on the body, but it was Cavern-Risen (whose identity as a werewolf influenced how things went during this time in our lives) and Earth Listener (whose name was used and from this ze got confused about zir species identity) who were the main fronters at that time. That would change though. Echoes of all of us would continue to peek though our mind and into the outside world, but we wouldn’t fully realize our multiplicity for some years.

During the early half of the decade of 2000 is when Earth Listener found zir name; however, also during this time Cavern-Risen also fronted a lot and her identity as a werewolf and her understanding of that over shadowed Earth Listener’s aquatic identity which didn’t have species names to it back then, causing both of them to think they were a spiritual werewolf. Once we found the therian community during the mid 2000s that would translate into thinking ‘we’ were a gray wolf therian for a time. It was also during this time what our innerworld began to ’form’ in our mind. Though more correctly, it could be said that we started being aware of it more than anything. Though back then, what was known was a dark enclosed temple (what is the Ruins in our innerworld today).

It was through time period that we really began to appear in any artistic endeavors. Looking back, we can see our multiplicity before we knew of each other in what we had written or drawn during our childhood and teen years. Our early drawings and writings portrayed images not too unfamiliar to what some of us are though few of us had our names ascribed to those early writings and drawings at any time. Unfortunately, most of our drawings before our high school years have sense be either lost or sent into the recycle bin, which is something we find sad for the one’s we remember which are very distinct in our mind and can be directly linked to someone in our system. 

One of the earliest drawings we remember doing very clearly was from back in the winter 2004 of a is of a monstrous black wolf with lager than normal ears and shorter tail that was chained down within a cage with moonlight coming in through a bars and shadows along the wolf being red. Also in 2004, we drew a detailed pencil drawings of young adult snowy owl. We remember rather clearly having done countless drawings spanning 2004 all the way up to nearly 2008 of a large white feline. In a few early drawings she was given more tiger or lion-like features before becoming more lean from there on until the later drawings of her right before her awakening into our system, in which she was almost like we know her today. Another drawing in the Spring of 2005 specifically, which we still happen to have, is a pencil shaded drawing of a white-tailed deer that was female, but with antlers. One of the very strikingly similar drawings we can remember was of a sea dragon in pencil shading which was not too dissimilar from Aquasarius as we know him today complete with long neck, a tail tipped with a fish-tail, and gills along his chest. The drawing was done in the year 2005 and the sea dragon within the drawing was called “Aquarius” which is actually something of “pre-name” given to Aquasarius before he changed his name to what it is today. In 2006, a short lived short story was written about a young teen named “Zeo” who had wings. Two years later a novella would start being written about a young man named Zeo who could turn into a harpy like creature that was white, which we later discovered was one of Z’s past life memories. In 2006, a rough drawing of a literal half human, half wolf creature as drawn though the drawing depicted a male rather than a female. Another drawing, this one also done in 2007, was of a female black werewolf in a hybrid form in a fight with another werewolf  that was more wolf-like which had reddish-orange fur within a stony background. The black werewolf was Cavern-Risen ad the reddish-orange one was from one of Cavern-Risen’s past life memories. In 2008, for a sculpting project, we crafted a wall hanging bust of a red deer that was also rather similar to Pantairin again in a way. These are just examples we distinctly remember drawing during our teenage years, but even somewhat earlier we can strain to recall drawing or thinking of a few images off and on in later childhood as well which seemed not too unfamiliar to one of us.

That is how the progression began - slowly at first, right under our noses throughout of life. However by the time our high school years came around, we had grown more and more aware of each other but with now context for what was happening we all saw everyone else as a ‘voice’ or ‘character.’ Feeling pressured by how we had inferred from society that ‘having people in our head’ was wrong and unhealthy even though it didn’t feel wrong and didn’t cause us harm we tried to put an end to. During this time Pantairin was mislabeled as a spirit guide (and being male due to having antlers) until even she was forced a way for a time before being able to come back. Before to long, Cavern-Risen and Earth Listener forcing everyone away as tension within the system increased. In the end, this lead to our system grinding to a halt. Many members fled deep into our innerworld and out of awareness of our innerworld (including Cavern-Risen after a time leaving Earth Listener alone) and some going into a sleep/unconscious state. By the time, mid 2009 rolled around Earth Listener was alone fronting and there was one around for a time. That wouldn’t last for long however.

In December 2009, Kardegray came back around from being forced away for a time. He quickly made himself known to Earth Listener and began to really press to show how real he was to zir though at this time he could not front for some time. Due to being members of The Daemon Forum, Earth Listener became aware of the ‘headmates’ more though we had heard a tiny bit about multiplicity in the past from the otherkin community. From that, Kardgeray began to be called a headmate by Earth Listener though we still did not we were also multiple for sure. During this time everyone else continued to exist away from their awareness of the outerworld for a time. It was during this time that the Ruins in our innerworld became as they are today and some of the temple that it has been fell away and plants began to grow all over it in mass.

Then at the start of 2010 Kardegray accidentally ended up fronting, and it was the first time it was recognized as being such. Earth Listener recognized and was aware of the lost of control of our body, Kardegray realized he himself was fronting. It was then, both Kardegray and Earth Listener began to really suspect something. Then, in February of 2010 Lunatani began to come back into the awareness of the outerworld and Earth Listener and Kardegray quickly realize this as well.

It was at this point the idea of multiplicity really began to come to our thoughts as a possibility whereas before it had been hand waved away as to what was going on in our mind. By March 2010 we had grown to seriously consider the idea and by June 2010 we officially decided we were a plural system, though specifically that early on we though we were maybe median rather than multiple. So the first steps to learning about our system as a system really began to talk off. In the months and years that followed more and more people found their way back and in time we started looking for them as well. Further,  few years later we even had a few additions into the system whom had never been here before. 

And so, things have continued on. We are still learning about our system, about our innerworld, piecing together our past as a system, and learning about each other. Our lives together is a process of discovering and learning. We did not come to know everything there is to know about our system under a short span of time and there are things we may still not know or might be mistaken about. We are still learning about ourselves and our relationship with one another. We have learned a lot, but there is still much we do not know still. About ourselves, and certainly about plurality as a whole. There is certainly still so many things we do not know about the cause or formation of our system at its onset.

Outside of these general known facts throughout our lives so far, everything else is much more little more then a lot of guess work and hypotheses set-up by our  thoughts and opinions on what we think we might know. We do wonder why we are a system and how it actually began at its onset. We know the after effects in our lives but not the cause behind the scenes, if you will. Some of us such as Kardegray and Mist Weaver prefer to see our multiplicity in a psychological light, others such as Z, Pantairin, and Tanka lean toward a spiritual explanation, while others prefer something kind of in-between or just do not know and haven’t formed an opinion. However, they are only opinions and hypotheses based off primarily on our own spirituality and beliefs about the nature of a person. Regardless of what any of us might believe caused our multiplicity we all agree on the opinion that which ever is correct - whether it is spiritual, psychological, both or neither - we do feel that our multiplicity is essentially natural. We consider our multiplicity, to be something that just came about on its own. We think that, however our multiplicity might have actually formed, those root causes were just how things fell and formed rather than our multiplicity being something was caused by an outside source primary.

From a psychological point-of-view we can think that our brain was just naturally inclined toward multiplicity and from that nonhuman identities. That this mental abnormality of ours is an innately occurring one that our brain managed to wire into place in a way to told onto multiple full identities going on at one time within it. From this view-point, those of us who came into the system later on in life could be seen as just further results of how our brain just naturally works.  From a spiritual standpoint, popular pet-hypothesis among us is that our system was formed and caused by many souls being either incarnated into this body (rather than just one soul being incarnated into this body) or that a fair number of us walked-in while this body was still very, very young in life. Of course that later idea of us possibly being walk-ins brings up the question of which of us is the “host”  if either of us is or is not the original at all. However in that possible scenario, if it was so, then due to our body being so young, one could say whoever was the “host” if that person was one of us and not that that said host actually walked out when we walked in that the idea of it mattering seems moot. Further, in this view-point, those of us who we know came in/appeared in our system much later on in life can certainly be described as walk-ins.

Either way though, for all us in our system, if we had to pick a hypothesis to standby and we could not play the “we don’t know for sure and so won’t put a hard stand on it either way without more details” we would stand by the theory that our multiplicity and otherkinity is built form a whole host of psychological and spiritual causes and roots. Where and which way things actually fall within this theory is unknown by far. Really, though, it really doesn’t worry or haunts us. The past is the past.

In the end though, those are just ideas and hypotheses. What we do know is that we have lived this way for as long as we can remember. That how our multiplicity is, has not something which has been detrimental to our lives. That, for whatever cause, we are here as we are. We can’t be sure how we will continue on in life and change in the future. If we will gain new members, how our independence and interdependence with grow and mature, and so on down the line. Time will tell.

- Pantairin
houseofchimeras: (Earth Listener)
Date First Written: January 2009; Date Last Updated: February 2014

The story of how we found the therian community is a bit of an odd tale. By at the latest of the age of 7, we already had a general grasp on our nonhuman identities. Our finding the online community and coming into awareness of the community’s existence was more of a gradual series of events that drew us even closer to its final conclusion.

To begin, it should be noted that our general and rough understanding of being nonhuman in identity occurred while we were still children. Our early childhood memories are vague in places, but we know for sure that we had some idea that we didn’t identify as human in some way by at least the age of 6 or 7.

The first hint to us that we are not alone in our experiences and identities came to us while we were still in our childhood. At the age of 9 in 1999 we met someone who identified as a fox. We ended up confiding and sharing our thoughts and feelings to one another from then on. We talked about our feelings of wanting to act out animal behaviors which we were having to teach ourselves to control. We also discussed feelings of limbs and such which were not there on our bodies as well. So on and so forth on whatever we experienced at that time in our lives. Our friendship gave our multiple system an early boost in confidence in our identity thought it did not put an end to our childhood doubt completely.

Then in the August of 2003, the hour documentary Animal Imitators aired on the television channel TLC. We had managed to catch a preview stating what it was about and so managed to record the whole documentary on VHS. We did so due to finding something about the preview we had seen oddly familiar and the actual documentary did not disappoint us.

The documentary went over the lives of various people. Some were more interested in the body modification, some of the people were more of the furry persuasion (and called themselves furries), others were more therian in persuasion (one of which even directly calling himself a “were”), and a few were a mix of one or more. Furries meaning a person who is a fan of anthropomorphic animals in media, and a certain percentage creating and wearing costumes of an animal. While were is another term for therian which was primarily used during the 90s and early 2000s before almost fully falling out of favor to “therian” until the early to mid 2000s.

One of those interviewed was Stalking Cat, a man who had had numerous tattoos and body modifications done to look more like a tiger. At one point he stated, “I’ve been a cat my entire life. I’ve always related to cats, I’ve always had a close relationship with cats.” We sympathized and felt similar to him in some sense. Not so much for the desire to take surgical action on our body, but the sense of some dysphoria to our body regardless.[1]

 Another person’s interviewed who really stuck out and whom we couldn’t help but feel similar to was a man named Coyote Osborne. The narrator of the documentary, introduced Coyote by stating, “Not all […] feel a need to transform their bodies. Some just accept they are an animal trapped in a human skin.” Coyote Osborne talked about having past life memories and dreams about being a coyote as well talked about how he felt he wasn’t human even though his body was physically human. The first time watching the documentary, we couldn’t help but identity with so much on what Coyote said. Of having dreams, of feeling like a creation animal, of drawing how we felt we should look like, and more.[2]

There were a number of things the documentary brought up that we didn’t fully grasp or not notice at all until later. However, what we did grasp meant a lot to us. Those of us who identified as Earthly animals or werebeast took comfort in the greater knowledge that we were not alone even more than what we had previously thought.  Everyone else in the system even, while the documentary didn’t pertain to them so much directly, found the idea of there being more people who didn’t identify as human left open a possibility that soothed them as well. We faintly remember watching that documentary many more times in the months and years to come.

Sometime in the summer of 2004 a documentary also aired called Humanimals aired. (It was not the Weird, True, & Freaky half-hour episode titled the same name as that aired December 16th 2008.[3]) We know and remember the hour long documentary aired during the summer of 2004 because it too was recorded by us on VHS. We have never found any information online referencing this old documentary however. The documentary almost exclusively focused on people who had modified there bodies to look more animalistic or whatnot. Some of them stated outright they didn’t identify with an animal at all, while a few stated they did in some way or another identify with an animal. This documentary didn’t strike us as strongly as the other commentary, but still some things seemed familiar to us. It still added to our sense of not being alone in our feelings.

The nudge referencing otherkin and similar communities occurred again in the winter of 2004 when a school friend of ours in junior high and high school mentioned that there were people who were nonhuman spirituality. She had an interest in witchcraft as her father was practicing witchcraft, paganism, and/or the occult (we never fully learned exactly what it was he practiced). They had heard of people who were actually werebeasts, vampires, elves, and dragons. (We remember her specifically mentioned those four.) She didn’t call them by any term nor knew anything more than that really, sadly.

Then, some time in the fall of 2005 while searching through the books at our local library on werewolves Cavern-Risen came across a book called, The Werewolf Book: The Encyclopedia of Shapeshifting Beings by Bard Steiger. The book included one section which interested us the most (enough that we got photocopies of the pages in question back then) called “Spiritual Shape-Shifting.” The section discussed the topic of shamanic and other spiritual practices where a person took on the power or some other quality of an animal. It also touched on the idea of people merely connecting with or identifying with/as a certain animal, as well as mention that some people had dreams, visions, and so on of becoming or being an animal for spiritual reasons. The section also included a mediation exercise to spiritually shapeshift into a wolf.[4] Again, we were left with a feeling of our experiences being a part of some phenomena that other people had been and were experiences elsewhere, but still had no idea where or to what extent there was to it.  

Our lack of direct knowledge of the online otherkin communities changed though in March of 2006. We can’t quite recall the exact date outside that it was in March or early April. Even after all these years we still remember the sequence of events that infolded as we discovered the community online.

Cavern-Risen had been searching and using search engines heavily. She was looking up information on myths and stories of werewolves just out of interest and cursorily while looking for information on real-life werebeasts was more out of wondering what could be online. We all  remembered those documentary interviews of people who were like us and everything else we had come upon over the years, though Cavern-Risen wasn’t directly thinking of them at the time. We were still extremely new to what the internet could be used for so the idea of using it for socializing and networking didn’t even come to mind at all.

We don’t recall what she had thrown into the search engine or how deep into the page results she found the link, but what we ended up finding was the webpage called The Therianthropy Resource. It was the first website about therianthropy we had ever come across. The website was little more than a single webpage with much of the information there apparently taken from other websites with each section credited to the original author. Looking back we can recognize some of the information’s origins, some parts are from Alt.Horror.Werewolves and/or Were.net for sure.

At first, Cavern-Risen honestly thought it was just another werewolf website or something like; however, as she went down the page it became more and more apparent that wasn‘t the case. The webpage began describing something called “therianthropy” and how such people were, in a way, the real kind of werewolves and so on in the world. Several sections went over some personal experiences from their authors and the final section was over shifting and other things. As she read through the text something in the our brain kept feeling a sense of déjà vu on our own experiences as well as vaguely remembering back to those documentaries and so on we had once seen, read, or had been told. Fascinated and wanting to know more about the topic and wanting to be sure of what was being said wasn’t just isolated talk, Cavern-Risen took a few of the terms used and took a search engine to them. From there, we found even more websites and information.

Another website was quickly found called, The Shadow Wulfs Den. The site was old having not been updated in years on that day Cavern-Risen first found it. The website talked about various kinds of experiences more in-depth. Looking back, we can tell that a number of the things in the website are what we (and the greater therian community) would now called ‘fluffy’ in the sense of mixing fact with fiction (mixing in myths of werewolves into how therians actually are) as well as making real world claims (such as physical shifting being real and such). However, the website did give us more insight and ideas to bounce off of with to find and learn more about this topic.

Cavern-Risen kept searching and reading both that day and some more days to come. Over that span of time we came across even more websites, some of which we can no longer remember the name of or they are no longer online all these years later. Some of those websites we found and remember by name included The WereWeb, The Werewolf and Shapeshifter Codex, The Werebeast Support Page, Werelist, Therianthropy.org, Unicorns United, The Draconity FAQ, Eristic.net, and others.

At first, Cavern-Risen was skeptical to if this really did fit what she experienced (and the rest of us did in our own way), but as she read through both these websites and others of which we can’t remember the names of anymore, it kept feeling like complete déjà vu. A feeling of “I know this” and “I experienced that” kept washing over us all in some sense or another. We kept doing research and became more and more convinced that we fit into the words we were reading about and that our experiences fit into these communities.

After that point, we began to lurk in the community. Occasionally coming across a website we hadn’t seen before to look through as well as finding websites to keep going back to. Cavern-Risen held back on joining any forums, and instead we merely lurked forums that we could look at without joining. Forums like Werelist and a few other forums that we don‘t remember the name of anymore.

By summer of 2007 we began to consider joining the community. After a year of lurking, we felt a draw to begin joining in on the interaction and dissuasion. Given, Werelist was one of the visible forums we had been lurking and so had an idea of its atmosphere and content, we felt most comfortable joining it as our first step. However sometime during the fall of 2007, Werelist crashed causing us told back for a little bit longer.

It would not be until November 2007 that I [Earth Listener], who had taken over the front primarily at that point in time, would finally actively take part in the therian community. It was during the fall that we had created a Facebook account and discovered there were several groups on there for otherkin, including ones specifically for therians. So we began joining several of the groups that were active, and the first one we joined was one of the largest ones for therians called Wild At Heart. We also immediately after that joined one simply called Otherkin which was for all kinds of otherkin. After that we began posting and discussing along with the group.

Once we learned that Werelist was back up after having a major crash over a year ago, I [Earth Listener] joined the forum for the first time in January 2008. After that, we joined other forums such as The Awareness Forums in May 2008 and other otherkin forums. Thus, we’ve been around the otherkin communities ever sense somewhere or another. 

- Earth Listener


Bibliography

[1] Pemberton, Justin. Animal Imitators. TLC. 2003.

[2] Pemberton, Justin. Animal Imitators. TLC. 2003.

[3] “Weird, True, & Freaky: Humanimals,” IMDB, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1370125/ (accessed February 11 2014)

[4] Steiger, Brad, The Werewolf Book: The Encyclopedia of Shapeshifting Beings. Detroit: Visible Ink Press, 1999.

July 2014

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